Metcha Day

I've been reading a few blogs in the last week or so where either bloggers are discussing their upcoming, current/recent adoption trips to China or looking back on their adoption trips with the perspective that being back home a few months allows.

It all got me thinking about our time in China and the day we met Emma and the days that followed. I went back and read my archives. Today, I pulled out the video my sister took of the moment we met Emma. I'm not sure I've ever watched it before, maybe once shortly after we got home. It's been around 16 months (in some ways it seems she's been with us forever, in other ways it seems like it was yesterday) now since Emma joined our family of 3. Already, the memories are fading. I remember China, but I don't really remember physically what it felt like to be there - the sounds, the smells, the energy. It's all blurry in my mind already. I wish somehow I'd paid more attention, somehow been more in the moment and maybe now the memories and emotions would be more vivid.

We got to Hong Kong on a Friday and I remember us exploring a bit on the Saturday. I remember feeling nauseous and, after a 15+ hour flight, feeling like I was off balance for the first day back on terra firma. In retrospect, flying in a day before most of our group was a great idea, we really did need that one day to get our equilibrium back, both literally and figuratively. On Sunday morning, we met our whole group for breakfast and off we went onto a bus that would take us to Guangdong Province. The bus we got onto in Hong Kong took us to the mainland border and then we had to get out, lug around all our stuff through a series of checkpoints and then, on the other side, get onto a different bus. I think the ride took about 3 hours and then we were standing in our hotel lobby. I remember Gary heading off with many of the group members to the bank to get some Chinese money and I headed upstairs to our room. Lunch was organized at a nearby restaurant but I skipped it. I think that Gary, Susan and Thomas went along without me. I just needed time to get things together, make sure we had all baby things and papers needed for the big meeting in a couple of hours and let's face it, I just couldn't eat!

I think we got on the bus heading to the Civil Affairs Office around 2:00- 3:00pm - I'd have to check archives to be sure. I believe we were originally set to meet the babies around 3:30pm, although I think in reality it was closer to 5:00pm. I remember the atmosphere on the bus (we were 15 families) being very different as we made the short trip to the Civil Affairs Office as it had been when we traveled earlier in the day from Hong Kong. You could now really feel the tension and anticipation.

We arrived at the Civil Affairs Office and got on the elevator and went up a few floors - anyone remember which floor we were on? Probably somewhere between 3 and 5 floors up...I remember looking out the window, we weren't that high up. At first, we just waited in the lobby. There were families from a variety of countries and all rooms were currently taken. We could hear lots of crying and talking, the elevator's constant "ding" as people came and went. Then someone told us the babies were there, waiting for us. People starting going down the hall, trying to take a look into the baby room without being too obvious and getting shooed away. I didn't want to look. Susan went over and looked ( she actually videotaped a bit), I think Gary did too. They told me they saw Emma but we realized later, it had been a different child they thought was Emma. I think I went eventually and took a quick glance in but didn't linger and didn't really see anything... I'm horrible with faces at the best of times...somehow I couldn't really seriously look in.

Finally, our group is led into a room. There are still a couple of families from the previous group just finishing up. I think they were from Spain. We saw the last family meet their baby (or did they have the baby already when we walked in...I'm pretty sure we saw the baby being put into their arms). What I do remember though is that the baby, I'd say a boy, maybe around 2 years old, was crying bloody murder. The parents were trying to calm him and he was just screaming with every fiber in his body!! With every scream, I could feel the tension in the room escalate. I looked around and noticed that a lot of the people in our group were starting to tear up... we were just so emotionally vulnerable at the moment and just hearing this child was tearing us all apart!

One by one, we got called to fill in a bunch of paperwork. We all sat around a large table, filling out a variety of forms. Gary filled them out for us, I signed where he told me to. Finally, it was time for us to meet our babies. I think the first baby in was Jackie's Sadie. I have it on video... she's beautiful and Jackie is in tears. I think then came Dana and Kevin's Keira and again, a beautiful baby girl. Then came Mike and Louise, another delicious baby girl, everyone in the background, oohing and aaaahing, and then, I think it's our turn. Gary, Thomas and I go up to the door and there is a nanny with Emma. Emma is dressed in a blue and white sleeper with feet which is obviously too small. Her name, in Chinese characters, is taped to the front of her sleeper. They hand her to me and she immediately grabs my glasses and hangs on for dear life. Everyone in the room is laughing. I realize how strong she is as I try to pry her little fingers off my glasses. We go sit, Emma on my lap, and Thomas and Gary sit beside us. Thomas hands her a "Whoozit" toy that has made its way to China with us. Emma is calm and just looking at us, from one to the other. She seems particularly fascinated by Thomas. Perhaps to her, he's the least threatening looking person in the group. Most of the time she's on my lap, she's holding on tightly to one of my fingers. She's just sitting quietly, taking it all in. We'd prepared a bottle for her and we feed her and she gulps it all down. I'd read that it was important to keep the baby in the clothing they were wearing for a little while as the smell is familiar, but after holding Emma for an hour or so, it became obvious that she had a very full diaper and it was beginning to seep out through her sleeper. A change of diaper and clothing was definitely in order. I took her into a quieter room and changed her diaper. I softly cooed to her and she just lay on the diaper pad on the floor, looking at me. In the meantime, Gary took care of more business and the SWI director gave us an adoption certificate and the disposable camera we'd sent a few weeks previously. Gary, who speaks Mandarin, tries to ask her and the nannies some questions about Emma, but they obviously don't know much or won't say much. They tell us she likes to suck on a white washcloth the SWI gives the babies (many of the babies at the SWI do, Emma wasn't one of them) and that she's a good baby.

Finally, we hop back on the bus, 15 stunned families with 15 stunned babies. The babies were all quiet on the moment of meeting their families. Some people say this is good, some say this is bad... in our case, it's just the way it was. All the babies were clean, healthy and seemed well cared for, given the circumstances. I think the worst we encountered was a couple of upper respiratory infections.

We spent the evening in our hotel room, getting to know each other. I remember lying down on the couch and Emma falling asleep on my shoulder. We had dinner - I can't remember if someone went out to get it or if we ordered in. I remember Emma sitting in the room, surrounded by us and some stacking cups and other little toys we'd brought along. She wasn't that mobile at this point and she was contorting herself every which way to follow Thomas with her eyes as he moved around the room. The hotel had set up a little crib in the bedroom, right beside the bed, and eventually we put her down to sleep. I think I lay down on the bed beside the crib, keeping her company. She slept through the night. We had to wake her up as we were all heading out early - I think that morning was the passport office, or maybe it was to finalize some other paperwork and the following day was passports...I just don't remember. BTW, any members of our group reading this, I'd love any further input of things you remember, particularly relating to the day we met our babies.

Guangzhou was relatively relaxed as far as organized activities were concerned and that was a good thing. It gave us some downtime to just sit back, relax and get to know each other. There was apparently a cold snap in Guangzhou which made it bearable during most of our time there. The last day or two were back to normal temperatures and we didn't go too far as we found it was hard to breathe. This is saying a lot because neither Gary nor I suffer from asthma or any such ailment and we could really feel it (and this was in early November!).

After about a week in Guangzhou, we flew to Beijing. Other than absolute chaos ensuing in the airport in an attempt to get all 15 families on board, the flight went smoothly. The approach to Beijing went unnoticed - it was so foggy, you couldn't tell if you were up or down! Thankfully, a couple of days after our arrival in Beijing, the fog/haze/pollution or whatever you want to call it cleared and we had a spectacular day for our visit to the Great Wall. We also went to all the other usual suspects and it was beautiful indeed. However, it's truly weird to be on an adoption trip and going from one sightseeing/shopping adventure to another...it's really surreal!! I do remember feeling like my arms were going to fall off because Emma insisted on being carried everywhere. Some babies did well in strollers, Emma was not one of them. I was happy to carry her and I loved it, but my arms were just killing me until I got used to it. Do carry heavy bags of flour around your house in preparation for your trip!!lol And be sure to bring along the Motrin!lol We did skip a few planned excursions, but overall Emma was a trooper and she handled it all well, as did Thomas, he was a fantastic traveler and an amazing big brother from moment one. How the babies manage all of this is beyond me...can you imagine the upheaval they've been through and how all this must totally overwhelm them! I really can't even imagine. It speaks so much to the strength of the human spirit.

We were also very lucky in that we had an amazing travel group. While we're spread out all over the country, most of us still stay in touch, either in person or by e-mail. We'd met the families within travel distance of our home before our trip and that made all the difference in the world. From the moment we got to China, we already had a comfort level with each other which made things easier. I have so many wonderful memories of our group, of everyone pitching in and supporting everyone else. I remember a bunch of us sitting in the hotel hallway one evening once our little ones were asleep, having a drink and eating chocolate and just relaxing and laughing, sharing such an amazing experience, half way around the world!

And then, it was time to come home. If you're still a waiting parent, be prepared. Those first few weeks at home are simply hellish...there's no other way to describe it. Everyone is off schedule, everyone is exhausted, babies often get totally freaked out by this whole new series of changes... again, can't even imagine what it must be like for them... and while we want to make it as easy as we can for them, it's hard for everyone. Every day, you try your best and ask for forgiveness when you fall short. But somehow, everyone muddles through and then you reach a point where you can't remember what your life was like before you went to China... and you forget the hard times and you try really hard to hold on to the memories of the good times.

And now, here we are, 16 months later...and I'd do it all again if I could. :-)