Retrospect - Year One

So on this day last year, we met our wonderful daughter and completed our little family of four. What's the last year been like for our family? Overall, it's been wonderful. And no, this is not an attempt to blow sunshine. Yes, there certainly are many things that we don't discuss on this blog, but so far, Emma's transition with our family has been about as smooth as we could have dreamed. Have there been issues - yes, but they've been pretty minor so far. What have the issues been?

1. Emma tested positive on her TB (tuberculosis) test. This does not mean she has TB, it means she may carry the virus. Many kids will test positive because of a shot given in China (BCG); however, all the children in Emma's group got the shot and I think she was the only one who got a positive result which leads us to think she MAY have been exposed to TB. After loads of research, we decided to go ahead with the 9 month treatment. This entailed giving her an oral dose of medicine before bed every evening and going in for 2 blood tests to make sure the medicine had no impact on her kidneys, a rare side effect of the TB medicine.

2. We arranged for Emma to be evaluated in our home by a teacher from a center for children with special needs. The teacher who evaluated Emma came once a week for a couple of months. She mainly came to see that Emma's development was progressing as expected and to deal with some minor oral issues. We (us and the teacher) think that Emma had so little tactile and oral experience in the SWI, that she needed to use all her senses to identify objects. She used to touch things and then lick them - you could tell she was just trying to get more information. We worked on introducing all kinds of textures to Emma and the teacher gave us this little nubby brush to rub in Emma's mouth and her oral fixation pretty much went away within 2-3 months. It seems it was really just a question of catching up by being exposed to things. In many ways, we treated her as a newborn given that in her 10 months in the SWI, she hadn't been exposed to many of the things we take for granted here. We bottle fed for as long as she'd let us, held and rocked her as much as she'd allow, etc. Since she's a fierce and independent little thing, we went through the "infant" stage pretty quickly!

3. A few weeks after arriving home with Emma, I met with a local attachment therapist. Emma seems to be adjusting well, but honestly, neither Gary nor I are particularly perceptive and appreciate an outside opinion. The therapist gave me some good ideas on how to promote bonding. The best piece of advice she gave me was that in order to have Emma make eye contact, just gently take her hand and put it on my cheek - children will usually look where their hands go - this worked like a charm. Six months after our arrival home, I brought Emma to meet the attachment therapist (she didn't want to evaluate Emma until she'd been home for at least 6 months) and she was happy with her progress thus far, saying that she's moving well through the attachment process. The main part of the evaluation, other than watching us interact, was to have me leave the room and see how Emma would react. I stepped out and stood by the door for a minute or two (seemed like 2 days!!). Emma started crying and the therapist tried to soothe her. She did distract her and get her to stop sobbing momentarily but then it started again. She then called me back in. She said that she saw what she was looking for - Emma got upset when I left, tried to calm herself and allow the therapist to calm her, and then ran to me and clung when I came back. Apparently, for this stage of our relationship, this is what she'd hoped to see. We go back for our 12 month appointment in a few weeks and will continue to check in every 6 months until either the therapist tells us she's satisfied that Emma is securely attached and doesn't need to see us again, or tells us she wants to see us more often. Other behaviours she exhibits which could be termed "institutional" are scratching her chest/shoulders and pinching herself when she's anxious - again, minor at this point, but keeping an eye on the behaviour. She'd pretty much stopped doing it but has started up again the last few weeks... perhaps something is making her more anxious these days, we're not sure what. She's also turning into quite the little Miss Independent and Miss Bossypants - keeping an eye on that too - is it just your usual almost 2 year old behaviour or is it a control issue, a common issue with institutionalized children. All and all, she seems to have adjusted marvelously well and we're just keeping an eye on her to make sure she/we stay on track and deal with any potential issues as soon as they appear.

That's basically been it - all pretty much non-issues. Our bio child has had more therapy and intervention that she has! The SWI (Social Welfare Institute) where Emma spent her first 10 months seems to be one of the better ones as far as these things go - they allow both interior photos and video to be taken so we assume that in so allowing, it indicates that this is considered to be a "good" SWI by Chinese standards. Emma and the other 14 babies adopted in our group from this SWI were all in good health and pretty much within developmental expectations for their age group. It's of course harder to determine the emotional impact of their experience, but overall, the children did seem well cared for given the circumstances. Emma has a very strong little personality, but we have to assume that she was provided some attention/ interaction as it's hard to imagine that she would have been so on track developmentally without it. Her emotional development seemed pretty good as well. When we first met her, we thought perhaps her gross and fine motor skills were more on par with an 8 month old (she was 10 months), but within days of joining us, I'd say she was just where she should have been. By the time she met our pediatrician, a few days after our arrival home, he saw no delays.

Now, at 22 months, she probably exceeds most developmental milestones. She's a total ham and a real daredevil. She has amazing strength, balance and agility - she's born the year of the monkey and she takes that seriously - she hangs off EVERYTHING!!lol She speaks quite clearly and in short sentences. She's totally hilarious, cracks herself up like nobody else can and she loves her big brother. She's such a little character, we can't wait to see what she's got in store for us!

Emma took to us all pretty quickly and I'd say Gary and Thomas attached immediately. I'd honestly say it took me a couple of months. For Gary, it was instantaneous, for me it was more of a process. Neither is right or wrong, just different. I have to also say that it probably took me a good 4-6 months to get used to our new routine. The fact that we got home just in time to settle in for winter didn't help - winter is hard with kids...summer is so much nicer and easier! Because Thomas was 7 when we adopted Emma, I'd forgotten how much time and attention little ones need... I knew it, I just didn't KNOW it, kwim? I'd forgotten how you literally never get a moment to yourself. I still can't use the washroom without Emma accompanying me!! As for Thomas, we were concerned as to how he'd adjust to sharing mommy and daddy since he'd had us to himself for 7 years, but he's been an amazing big brother. There are times he thinks his little sister is a total pest, but that's what little sisters do!!lol As for Emma, she adores her big brother.

The one thing I would mention though is that the first month home was hell - sorry, no other way to describe it. Emma did really well with us in China but totally fell apart once we got back home. It was just one too many changes for her which is of course totally understandable. She became extremely clingy, anxious, etc. etc. She wouldn't so much as sleep beside us, she had to be ON us and pretty much had to be in our arms at all times. And let's face it, for the first couple of weeks, with jetlag and all, nobody slept. Honestly folks, it's so HARD!!!! But, it's only a few weeks and somehow you make it through. I found the first month at home with Emma harder than my first month at home after giving birth to Thomas...didn't think it would be the case, but it was. But week by week, things go easier. We all got to know each other, all settled into a routine of some sort. For the first few weeks after meeting Emma, I felt like I'd walked into a movie theater half way through a movie. I'd missed the beginning and wasn't sure what was going on!lol When you have a child from day one, you learn together and there's time for a good learning curve as let's face it, newborns aren't overly active!lol When someone hands you a child who is ready to take off and into everything already, all bets are off!lol

And now, 12 months after meeting Emma, it's fair to say that none of us can imagine life without her. She's an absolutely amazing little girl and she fits in with our family as if she's always been part of it. I can't even imagine what this child has been through in less than 2 years... it really speaks to the resilience and adaptability of children and the absolute strength of the human spirit. Year One has had its ups and downs, but it's never been boring! We love you Emma!